We’ve had several disappointments lately and this morning a wave of self-pity washed over me. There is something very sinister and dank about self-pity. It can seem so harmless, even like I deserve a good pity party once in a while, but I’ve been around long enough to know that it is a very dangerous emotion to wallow in.
Even as I went to the bedroom to hide my sniffles, I told myself that I was acting very foolish. I had to repent of my selfishness or risk ruining the day for my entire family and quite possibly ending up with a bout of depression. It’s just not worth it; sin never is!
God graciously gave me a passage to meditate on, even before I knew of the disappointment. We had been reading Psalm 106:13-15 in our morning Bible study:
They soon forgot His works;
They did not wait for His counsel,
But lusted exceedingly in the wilderness,
And tested God in the desert.
And He gave them their request,
But sent leanness to their soul.
God is showing me that when I choose to focus on the disappointments, then I am forgetting His blessings and His work in my life. When Israel complained in the desert, God sent leanness to their soul. Sounds like self-pity to me!
I can choose to sell my joy to indulge in fleshly misery, like Esau selling his birthright for some porridge, or I can remember God’s countless blessings and choose to be thankful. I know that it isn’t a choice to be made once for all, but a choice that I must make again and again. I’m praying that God will help me to make the right choice this day. 
I hear you, Rachel! Dwelling on things is so easy, whether it’s things from the past, dissapointments, frustration…but you’re right; It leads to nowhere good. That’s a helpful verse you shared. Another couple, which always help me out, are Psalm 103 and Phillipians 4:4-9.
Thanks Lisa! The kids and I memorized Philpians chapter 4 and I find that passage so incredibly helpful for dealing with disappointment as well as anxitey. I just got out my Bible and read Psalm 103. What a great passage for meditating on God’s goodness to us!
I think we need to be conscious of what is going on with ourselves, because I can see where the thought-line you are taking could also result in unnecessary guilt.
For instance, as women we are so affected by our hormones. And that gets only harder with time (for many women, anyway – it certainly did with me). If we are having a hormonal day we need to cut ourselves some slack and allow ourselves to shed a tear or two. In fact, God gave us tears for a reason. They are a very healing form of therapy.
Also, sometimes frustration comes about because we are not taking care of ourselves. Or we need to make a change in how we are organizing our days.
Instead of just assuming that every time we are frustrated or depressed or feeling sorry for ourselves that we are in sin, or are in danger of sin, I think we need to a) acknowledge we are human and that sometimes there are things going on in our lives (or our bodies) that are out of our control; b) assess why we are feeling the way we are. Are we not taking proper care of ourselves regarding nutrition or rest? And when was the last time we just soaked in the tub for an hour! Sometimes when I’m having a bad time and I can’t put my finger on what is wrong, I will just draw myself a bubble bath and listen to some music.
It’s a cliche that as moms we take care of everyone but ourselves, but it is also often true! Especially for moms like us who truly care so much for our little (and big) ones. Yes, maybe that day you described above you needed an attitude adjustment, but that is not always true. Our children would do well to learn that mom needs some time for themselves too!
And I do firmly belief that a pity party is warranted from time to time, as long as we recognize that we are going to take a moment to have it, and then we are going on with our day with a cheerful attitude!
Thanks for taking the time to reply! I hear what your saying, but speaking for myself, feeing sorry for myself is never a good thing. It is certainly good if we’re feeing low to assess if we are getting enough sleep, good nutrition and exercise, but I feel that there is a difference between that and thinking, “I desereve to feel miserable.”
The cuture insists that we must put ourselves first, but Christ set us an example of servanthood. It’s not a popuar message, but truly, the way up is down.
I don’t feel that I have unrealistic expectations and I don’t suffer from unnecessary guilt. I’m just convinced that choosing thankfuness has brought forth the fruit of joy in my life. Bessings!
Sincerly, Rachel