We’ve had several disappointments lately and this morning a wave of self-pity washed over me. There is something very sinister and dank about self-pity. It can seem so harmless, even like I deserve a good pity party once in a while, but I’ve been around long enough to know that it is a very dangerous emotion to wallow in.
Even as I went to the bedroom to hide my sniffles, I told myself that I was acting very foolish. I had to repent of my selfishness or risk ruining the day for my entire family and quite possibly ending up with a bout of depression. It’s just not worth it; sin never is!
God graciously gave me a passage to meditate on, even before I knew of the disappointment. We had been reading Psalm 106:13-15 in our morning Bible study:
They soon forgot His works;
They did not wait for His counsel,
But lusted exceedingly in the wilderness,
And tested God in the desert.
And He gave them their request,
But sent leanness to their soul.
God is showing me that when I choose to focus on the disappointments, then I am forgetting His blessings and His work in my life. When Israel complained in the desert, God sent leanness to their soul. Sounds like self-pity to me!
I can choose to sell my joy to indulge in fleshly misery, like Esau selling his birthright for some porridge, or I can remember God’s countless blessings and choose to be thankful. I know that it isn’t a choice to be made once for all, but a choice that I must make again and again. I’m praying that God will help me to make the right choice this day.